Home - Matthew Fries

who is this guy?

Matthew Fries is a graduate of the creative writing program at York University in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He writes in many genres, but tries to keep it light and humourous. Proudly Canadian, he reverts to UK spelling (see humourous), and seeks to obtain cult status.

BLOOD, THEN WATER

Blood River

Hunted by a monstrous wolf and abandoned by her boyfriend, Jennifer is stranded on a desolate back road with nowhere to turn. When she stumbles upon a village that seems frozen in time—Blood River—her hopes for shelter turn to dread. The streets are empty, yet the gardens and homes are meticulously cared for, as though waiting for something, or someone, to return. As the sky deepens into twilight and a blood-red moon begins to rise, a chilling whistle cuts through the silence. Is the village Jennifer’s salvation or a trap? In Blood River, nothing is as it seems.

Marching Mary

What was supposed to be a peaceful vacation on a remote island quickly descends into nightmare. The tension between Jason and his girlfriend, Katie, is awkward enough, but the real terror begins when a sinister doll is unleashed—Marching Mary. She’s not your average plaything. As the sun sets and the island grows darker, the couple’s bickering takes a backseat to the horror that is stalking them. Will anyone on the island survive long enough to escape the terror that is Marching Mary.

Which Doctor Island

A pescatarian chef, celebrated for his exquisite seafood dishes, is put to the ultimate test when a violent storm traps him on a crumbling dock, metres from the shores of Which Doctor Island. The storm rages, but it’s not only the pelting rain and pounding waves that threaten his life, it’s the hunger of the bloodthirsty monsters lurking beneath. As the waters churn with nightmarish creatures, the chef must decide whether to swim for shore or stay on the pitching raft and fight for his life.

Remember, Dear Reader, it’s Blood, Then Water … and repeat.

The Sick Box Trilogy #1

THE SICK BOX

Life sucks and then you die! You die and go to hell, which sucks way worse! But, what if you were offered a chance to do it all over again?

What lengths would you go to for a new start?

The clickety clack of Hell’s keyboards sounds like a plague of locusts, and the mind-crushing boredom of futile office work is enough to drive a person insane, but Karen Floyd persists. Every day, she shows up for her job at the Nakara Corporation (Hell’s largest provider of cell phone service, Internet, and Cable television), hoping to catch a break.

Then, one fateful day, a call comes in. Satan has plans to make Hell great again! Satan wants Karen to lead the team on a new communications project. She has until Monday to possess the body of a five-year-old girl, avoid an exorcism, and finish a rather unruly spreadsheet — that may, or may not, be the key to unlocking an ancient and evil prophecy.

Now this dark horse, the unholy underdog, has a chance to live life again, in a new body, a fresh start, and come Hell, high water, exorcism, or cat-worshipping death cult, Karen Floyd will get what she deserves!

Wait … what?

205 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 22, 2021

reviews of "the sick box"

"A darkly comic, compelling, and critical tale about family and the never-ending grind."

"'The Sick Box' is a laugh-out-loud hysterical farce that pokes fun at everything from "The Exorcist" to fake self-help advice columnists to Reiki practitioners. Fries expertly skewers contemporary capitalist culture and society, calling attention to the zaniness of the world he's created with effortless confidence. Overall, "The Sick Box" is a pitch perfect black comedy..."

"Witty, irreverent, and ingeniously plotted, Matthew Fries’ laugh-out-loud-funny debut novel is a must-read for anyone who loves a black comedy along the lines of Good Omens. Even when everything in the novel is up in the air, one thing’s for certain: you’re sure as Hell itself to get a rollicking ride out of it."

"Absurd, cynical, and a little disgusting ... it was so weird that I definitely was able to escape for a few hours."

"Just goes to show, if this book had been published in the 1950s in Paris, the whole literary world would be talking about it. Instead, in the second decade of the 2000s, it is a gem waiting to be discovered."

"The sick box pulls all the little annoyances from everyday life together to form one's own personal hell...every page is relatable and humorous. Once I started this book I couldn't put it down. An easy read that will have you laughing and (somehow) cheering for the hell-doomed protagonist to find her way back to the mortal world!"

"I laughed. I cried. The Sick Box has become a part of me. It is forever in my heart. There is a special place in Hell for you, Matthew Fries."

The Sick Box Trilogy #2

THE RABBIT HOLE

One day, the truth will find you, and when it does, you better run.

When a convoy of angry children occupy a Christmas-themed amusement park in northern Canada, Little Jimmy, a sandwich artist with a heart of gold, and his sister, Bailey, find themselves running for their lives.

This is no way to spend your summer vacation!

The children want freedom from the lies of the deep state! They demand to know the truth about Santa Claus!

As night sets in, the mob thickens. Attempts to reason with the unruly Santa Deniers prove futile. Nightmarish cries of UNWRAP THE TRUTH and MAKE CHRISTMAS GREAT AGAIN ring out through the park. To escape, Jimmy and Bailey turn to the only person who might be able to help them: A demon named Karen.

The Rabbit Hole. The hilarious satire that puts the ho ho ho back in horror, the con back in conspiracy, and the dumb back in freedom.

This is book II in The Sick Box Trilogy but can be read as a standalone.

315 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 27, 2023

reviews of "the rabbit hole"

"...a story worthy of Douglas Adams!"

"What can I say besides his work is simply a joy to read! I loved the trip I took to Santa’s Kingdom with Jimmy and Bailey and the calamities that befell them."

"Rational thought and moral chaos abound in the search for truth beyond politics and technology. A perfect novel for our time."

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oh, and about me...

Matthew Fries was born in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, but as an adult he stole away to Kitchener, Ontario, Canada. A graduate of the creative writing program at York University, he is the white guy in an interracial marriage, a child of the 80s, and the proud father of a mixed chick. When he isn’t working at the Institute for Quantum Computing, at the University of Waterloo, he enjoys spending time with his cats, collecting obscure psychedelic-rock LPs, and playing pinball. Matthew’s work has been published in various magazines across Canada, including, The Windsor Review, Mystery Weekly, and some others.